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Trying to maintain relationships. Worries about the future and if you have one.Every now and then though, things ease up a bit. You don’t hurt so much. You’re mind is a little clearer and you find a smile on your face. That’s me at the moment. My head hurts and I had to leave work early because I went totally mute. But I’m not shaking and I don’t need my cane and my wife’s not crying or yelling at me. I feel relatively happy. I had a nap and a bowl of chili with some shredded cheese in it.Last night I was a little down and feeling envious which is an emotion I try to avoid like the plague. It’s almost as poisonous as bitterness which will kill your soul. I was envious because there’s all these people who can make choices and I can’t. Oh, I can make the choices, but I don’t have the power to back them up. Simple example: I can decide I want a Little Caesar’s pizza. Oh well, I’m missing so much work right now that’s not an option at the moment. Don’t worry, I’m not asking for your. ‘Even though you didn’t understand a word I was saying.’ I laughed. ‘You could tell!’ She nodded. ‘Well, you can explain it to me some more while I treat you to lunch. How about that?’ She shook her head apologetically. ‘You told me yesterday you weren’t coming, so I already arranged to have my celebratory lunch with my group members. We are going to Kilimanjaro.’ ‘Oh! That’s good! Of course, you all need that.’ I brushed my disappointment aside. ‘Maybe we can hang out later in the evening…or tomorrow Friday.’ She watched me for a few moments. ‘You’re not angry I turned you down?’ ‘Why should I be?’ Indeed, why should she be baffled that I seemed okay with her turn down? Her excuse wasn’t flimsy. I didn’t have any claim on either her or her time. The rest of her group had exited the lab by now. They signaled her to hurry up. ‘Tomorrow will be good,’ she said releasing my hands. ‘Meanwhile, I want to ask you something before it skips my mind. That guy you went to stand with inside.
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